The toilet, my only place of Zen


The kids are screaming ,it’s loud in the house and I’ve had a long day and just don’t feel like dealing with things. The wife is screaming at the kids to be quiet, I have to get out of this freaking house to regain my sanity but can’t.

What is a man to do? I retire to the throne. That’s right, the shitter, the toilet or whatever ever other slang you want to use. We all know it, this is our place of Zen. The one place where we cannot be disturbed and just relax and think. Not sure what it is, maybe the relaxing feeling of taking a good dump, the smooth feeling of ass on porcelain or being one with your own fart fragrance. It doesn’t matter because I am one with myself in the toilet.

It is rumored that it was the place where Benjamin Franklin was thinking when he came up with the idea of harvesting electricity and taking that kite with a key outside and also where Thomas Edison came up with the light bulb. This must be why a light bulb is used when to signify when people are thinking of an idea. Because he was just sitting on the throne thinking when he came up with it. I mean where else can you just sit in peace and think of ideas. I mean we can do whatever we want or think of whatever we want in there and it starts from puberty. Ok now, don’t deny this, it begins early, all boys at some point have gone to the can with a Penthouse or Playboy and have “read the magazine.” That’s where it all began, yep looking for the toilet paper and not to wipe your ass with it. Talk about feeling relaxed!

We can do whatever we feel like in there, read, write think, relax or just fall asleep. It is the relaxing feeling of solitude and not having to deal with what is waiting outside that door. Why do you think we stay in there for 15 or 30 minutes? We all know it doesn’t take that long to take a dump, but it is those silent moments, the relaxing of our muscles that make it our place of Zen.
So your time is over, you go back out to the real world of the kids and wife as it seems that they have settled down a bit and you are ready to deal with the situation in a calm and relaxed state of mind. That is until Jimmy knocks over the glass of grape juice onto your white rug, the wife is screaming and all of a sudden you have that cramp in your stomach. Yep time for another dump.    |      2015