Was I snoring? It didn’t bother me!

I don’t know about you, but I get physically abused every night by my wife. Yep she pokes me, yells at me and pushes me because I am snoring. So what babe, you snore too and I can handle it. So, I snore in bed and I snore on the couch and I snore in the reclining chair, but who cares, I deserve to snore in my house anywhere I please. I mean I snored when we were dating and you never said anything about it, but now that were married you turn into the bitch from hell at night.

Damn it, I work hard to support you and the kiddos so when I go to bed I do not want to be disturbed. I mean my snoring doesn’t bother me at all. So sometimes I do wake myself up with a good big snore, but I am able to go right back to bed so you should too. You have no right to record me snoring and play it for me the next day to let me hear the proof of how bad I snore. I don’t care, it is my right to a good night’s sleep and if I snore too badly, deal with it.

I mean if you went to bed before me instead of watching all those crappy reality shows at night instead of sleeping then you wouldn’t hear my snoring and you could just sleep throughout the night.

So, like many married men, I sometimes take up residence in the guest bedroom, sneak in for conjugal visits and then go back upstairs where I can sleep in peace and not wake up with bruises on my arms and yes a good nights sleep.    |      2015